Disclaimer: This review is a bit of a rant because of how bad the movie is and contains a couple of spoilers regarding the third act.
Dungeons & Dragons (2000) is a medieval fantasy adventure flick from New Line Cinema that's based on the Role-playing board game of the same name, and stars Marlon Wayans and Jeremy Irons. It's set in the fictional kingdom of Izmir and follows our protagonist Ridley (Justin Whalin) and his friend Snails (Marlon Wayans), who are a couple of thieves who attempt to sneak into the magic school to rob the valuables. Meanwhile, Savina (Thora Birch), the young Empress who rules over Izmir with a scepter that controls dragons, is in conflict with the council of mages, led by the main antagonist Profion (Jeremy Irons). Profion has a lust for power and sets out to gain the power of an immortal and the power to control dragons, so that he can overthrow Savina and take over the kingdom. He does this with the help of his henchman Damodar (Bruce Payne), whom he threatens to kill if he fails him.
As Ridley and Snails hijack the magic school, they get caught by Marina (Zoe McLellen), a mage in training. Marina intends to turn the two in, but then the magic school gets ambushed by Damodar and his men in search of an ancient scroll that would lead to the dragon's eye and a magic rod called the Rod of Savrille, to give to Profion. After this, Ridley, Snails and Marina escape with the scroll as fugitives and are left with no choice but to become allies. With the scroll, the three embark on a quest to find the rod and the Dragon's eye before Damodar does, while Savina, confronted by the council, tries to find a way to stop Profion and save the kingdom. That's basically the plot in a nutshell.
I watched this movie for the first time a year ago, and I have to say this movie is pretty awful. I watched it again this year, and it's about as bad as I remember. In fact, this is one of the worst big budget blockbusters I've seen in my life. It's got a very weak storyline, terrible acting, really bad special effects, really corny dialogue and cheap looking production value. I'm baffled by the fact that the budget is $45 million. A 13-year-old could film a better movie in their back yard for less than $1,000.
There's no character development whatsoever. You know literally nothing about the main characters, and by the end, they haven't even really changed during their journey. Ridley, Snails, and Marina are just blank slates. No backstory, nothing. The elf girl Norda (Kristan Wilson) kind of serves as a love interest to Snails, but they're dynamic goes nowhere.
There are times where it tried to be funny, but the comedy just doesn't work. The storyline is generic, and besides the whole conflict involving Savina and Profion, there's really not much of a plot. It's mostly just our main characters going from point A to point B, and really nothing exciting happens. Also, the action/fighting scenes are horribly (and almost laughably) cheesy.
****SPOILERS AHEAD****
An hour into the movie, they kill off one of the main characters out of the blue. And of all the main characters, it's Marlon Wayans' character (Is Hollywood racist or what?). Also, the way Marlon Wayans dies is kind of funny. He gets stabbed, and then is thrown out the castle window, like in that scene from Braveheart (As I post this, I haven't seen Braveheart all the way through, but I'm familiar with that scene because Family Guy recently parodied it). In the climactic battle, Ridley fights Damodar and kills him, by knocking him off the castle tower, and destroys Profion's scepter, losing control of the dragons. During this, Savina tells Profion that it's over, in which Profion says this cheesy/corny line (which made me chuckle because of the cheesiness) "The battle, maybe...but not THE WAR!!!"
And then, he gets eaten by one of the dragons (kind of like Lord Farquaad in Shrek). Then, in the end, after balance is restored, Ridley and the others pay their respects at Snail grave, with a stone on top with his name carved on it, and Ridley puts a glowing red stone on the grave. Then, the carving disappears into the red stone and then the party members glow up and disappear, and that's the end of the movie. Like, what the heck just happened? This movie makes no sense. Also, I'd like to comment that during the opening sequence, we see water and foggy clouds with an opening narration, but no title screen. Like, the way the sequence it's set up, it looks like there was supposed to be opening titles, but I guess they forgot to put them on there. Weird.
****END OF SPOILERS****
Anyway, that's Dungeons & Dragons (2000). It's awful, I hated it, and I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I found no redeeming qualities here, whatsoever. Perhaps to name a couple positives, it plays out like a typical D&D campaign, and Irons, despite his ham fisted acting, was at least entertaining in his over-the-top villain role. Those aren't really enough to save it though. I guess in conclusion, Dungeons & Dragons (2000) is one of the worst pieces of actual garbage you could possibly waste your time and money on. You can watch it if you want to, but you'd be rolling with a disadvantage on this one. (For the record, Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves (2023), released 23 years later, is a far better movie.)
I give Dungeons & Dragons (2000) a 1/10.
So, have you seen the cinematic dumpster fire that is Dungeons & Dragons (2000)? What did you think? Let me know in the comments.
You check out my video review on YouTube:
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As I post this, Dungeons & Dragons (2000) is currently on YouTube free with ads (just for those with the morbid curiosity to see for themselves just how bad it is).
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